Emotional Purity

An extract from the “Emotional Purity-An affair of the heart” by Heather Arnel Paulsen with some additions from other source and personal views.

Much has been taught and preached about physical and sexual purity. In fact, throughout the Scripture, we are warned of such physical immorality. The Bible condemns any sexual or physical intimation outside marriage and we Christians believe and follow the Scripture. But what we often do not recognize is the subject or topic of emotional purity. In Proverbs 4:23, Solomon emphatically advises to guard the heart, as everything we do is intricately connected to our emotions. Therefore, it is imperative to exert control over our emotions to steer clear of wrongdoing. Maintaining emotional purity is not just a matter of importance but a foundational aspect of leading a righteous Christian life, and it requires vigilance and discipline in all aspects of our daily life.

The American Heritage Dictionary defines emotions as "agitation of the passions of sensibilities; strong complex feelings" and defines intimate as "marked by a close acquaintance or familiarity; very personal or private; a close friend or confidant." Therefore, emotional closeness would involve developing profound connections that evoke intense sentiments, passions, and sensory experiences. We have encountered emotional proximity with family members such as parents, siblings, friends, colleagues, or partners. But this discussion centres on emotional intimacy where many individuals share deep connections at their core - forming strong and private relationships that stir up profound emotions before marriage.

Physical intimacy is meant to complete the personal, emotional, and spiritual union between two people. There are consequences when this binding occurs outside of marriage. Similarly, emotional bonding before marriage can also have its own set of consequences. We understand the damage caused by emotional intimacy prior to marriage and subsequent breakups. It's important not to delve deep into emotional bonding that may not lead to marriage or physical union. Each step towards emotional connection is a step towards physical and marital union.

Friendship with the opposite gender is a delicate matter and should not be taken lightly, but it can also be incredibly enriching. You may be playing with the heart of another person’s future spouse, so it's important to tread carefully in such relationships. When Paul instructed Timothy (1 Timothy 5:1-3), he told him to “treat… older women as mothers… younger women as sisters… with absolute purity.” This guidance emphasizes the need for respect and pure intentions when interacting with individuals of the opposite gender. It highlights that we should love one another like brothers and sisters do until God confirms a different kind of relationship between two people. Making sure not to play with one another’s feelings is essential in any interaction or friendship.

While it may seem innocent to have close emotional connections, it could be a ploy of evil to distract us from God, as 2 Cor 11:14 says 'the devil can masquerade as an angel of light.' When we engage in intimacy without commitment, we are toying with the heart of a fellow brother or sister in Christ and violating emotional purity. With many singles seeking spiritual, emotional, and physical closeness with members of the opposite sex, marriage loses its uniqueness. If someone gives away so much along the way, their future spouse will not receive their whole heart. Would you feel like an honoured guest if someone invited you for dinner and served half-eaten leftovers? Instead of sharing all emotions before marriage—leaving only physical intimacy—an opportunity would arise to share our emotions with our spouse after exchanging vows, discovering new things about each other, and pursuing love together.

It has become a common practice of defrauding one another in uncommitted, emotionally intimate friendship between men and women. A guy and a girl begin to date each other. They have a very normal dating relationship for some time without commitment to the future, causing one person to feel ready for commitment while the other is not. After taking part of each other’s hearts that did not belong to them through intimacy with no commitment, they might wonder if they will ever get close to anyone again. And when you cross lines into deep emotional and spiritual connections, you take pieces of another’s emotional and spiritual purity that need to be saved for that person’s marriage partner. When your heart goes through nicks, bumps, scratches, and bruises from such experiences it loses the newness meant for your future mate's rightful owner.

In the Song of Solomon, the young girl insists on not arousing or awakening her love until she pleases (2:7; 3:5; 8:4). It is crucial to be mindful of our relationships with the opposite gender because broken hearts do not mend easily. Every emotional tie damaged by a breakup result in the loss of little pieces of the heart. The more broken pieces, the more difficult it is for a future spouse to repair. Our goal should be to give our partners whole hearts that can become emotionally intimate quickly. Intimacy is not just about physical encounters. When someone shares inner feelings, secrets, desires, flirts, flatters, or even places themselves in a compromising situation, they are being intimate. All forms of intimacy should be reserved for marital relationships.

Finally, as single individuals, it is important to have faith in God's plan for providing us with a life partner. Although we may make plans, it is ultimately the Lord who arranges our paths (Proverbs 16:1), as His thoughts and ways transcend our own (Isaiah 55:8-9). As time passes, we may reflect on our single years and perceive God's influence in every aspect. We will come to recognize the person whom God has specifically prepared for us. Upholding physical, emotional, and spiritual purity before marriage will enable us to embark on a journey of discovery after marriage. Maintaining pure thoughts will facilitate the preservation of pure emotions. It is imperative to "guard your heart!"

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